Building Your ADD Child's Self-esteem

Self-esteem is about self-value. It's not about being
bigheaded or bragging. It is about how we see ourselves, our
personal achievements and our sense of worth.

Self-esteem is important because it helps children feel
proud of who they are and what they do. It gives them the
power to believe in their abilities and the courage to try new
things. It helps them develop respect for themselves, which in
turn leads to being respected by other people.

Your child's self-esteem is shaped by:

1. How he/she thinks
2  What he/she expects of herself
3 How other people (family, friends, teachers) think and feel
about him/her

Many children with ADHD have problems in school and
with teachers and sometimes have difficulties at home. They
find it difficult to make and keep friends.

People often don't understand their behavior and judge
them because of it. They disrupt situations, often gaining
punishments, so they may find it easier not to bother trying to
fit in or do work at school.

All this means children witwith ADHD often feel badly about
themselves. They might think they're stupid, naughty, bad or a
failure. Not surprisingly, their self-esteem takes a battering and
they find it hard to think anything positive or good about
themselves.

Hyperactive, disruptive behavior is a key factor of ADHD.
Children with ADHD can't help behaving this way, but teachers
trying to cope with a disruptive child may deal with it by
excluding her from the classroom.

Birthday parties and social events are a natural part of
growing up, but other parents may not want to invite a child
who is known to have bad behavior.

 Again, this can lead to a
child with ADHD being excluded. Exclusion only adds to your
child's negative feelings and reinforces the idea that she's
naughty.

Parenting The ADD Child: Old Rules No Longer Apply

It used to be thought children shouldn't speak up, and it
was OK to hit them when they'd broken a rule.

Today, many parents have realized that children respond better if you make them feel
loved, secure and important, and you give them attention when
behaving well.
If children only get attention when they behave
badly, they'll behave even worse in order to get attention.

Some Parenting Tips For the ADD Child

With more than their share of behavioral problems, there's also a lot more chance that you and your child will be at loggerheads more often.

You may feel that you spend all your time nagging
your child, and the whole relationship can become strained and unpleasant.

You need to make sure you have good times
together and to practice positive discipline methods as well.

Set up special times to spend with your child doing things
you enjoy together and just playing.

Setting firm Rules and establishing boundaries are also vitally important because they help your
get on with other people. If your child knows what's acceptable as well as what's not and the consequences of doing something that's unacceptable, parenting becomes much easier.


For example, if a child knows he has to keep his hands to himself, he won't punch or hit other children in the playground.

If he doesn't know the rule or ignores it, other children will get hurt and they'll avoid him. He might also end up getting hurt.

For some more tips for parenting the ADD ADHD Child check out the Only Parenting Course especially designed with the needs of the ADD / ADHD Child in mind.

The Impact Of ADD on The Family

The impulsiveness of children with ADHD makes them act
before they think and their behavior can quickly get out of control.

They don’t mean to do damage and are upset when they hurt
people or break things, but they’ll still do exactly the same
thing next time round! It's almost as if they can't help themselves.

ADHD children are untidy and disorganized, which will
irritate people who like tidy houses and regimented behavior.

They can be unpopular with other children, teachers,
friends and even family members because of their "bad" unruly behavior.

This can cause problems
with both family and friends.

Parents can feel overwhelmed and unable to cope with
their child’s behavior. They may avoid social situations in the
hope of avoiding problem behavior and then start to feel
isolated. always felt that people were judging me because of my son's behavior.

Friends, relatives and neighbors may feel entitled to
comment and give negative judgments, which can strain
relationships.

Your child may hurt other family members or damage
their belongings, to the point where relationships are very
strained. Your child can feel like a scapegoat and may start
ignoring what he feels is constant nagging from you. No matter how much I tried to use reason and logic to appeal to my son, his behavior never changed. It's only when I changed my parenting strategy from yelling and punishment to one more appropriate to the ADD Child, did his behavior improve.


When dealing with siblings, the issue becomes even more
sensitive. Children with ADHD need a lot of attention and may
need different treatment from other children in the family. This
can cause resentment and jealousy on the part of your other
children who don’t have ADHD.

Older children may resent the lack of attention or feel
forced to look after their sibling because of their special needs.

Younger children may copy the bad behavior of the ADHD child.
Siblings may feel their home life is disorganized and
tiring, with lots of conflict. They may resent the fact their
brother or sister breaks their possessions and interferes all the
time.
They may feel their sibling is favored because you’re using
different methods of discipline to manage ADHD. 'I’d never get
away with that' is a common complaint.

The Coping With ADHD ebook and The 'Make Your ADD Child A Winner e-course" offers some advice on dealing with these issues.


And what happens to your partnership – be it marriage or
otherwise? ADHD can put a strain on your partnership,
particularly if you have different view views on discipline or different
parenting styles.

One of you may feel you have to take the brunt of dealing
with ADHD and taking time off work, for example to deal with
problem behavior, attend school and medical consultations have meetings as part of the stalemating process.

You may also have to pay private specialists to deal with
medication, counseling and evaluations, which will put a strain
on the family budget.

If one parent leaves the relationship, it puts even more of a
burden on the parent left to deal with ADHD, and the
subsequent resentment may sour the relationship further.

There's also a danger of spending so much time on your
child that you don’t spend any time on your relationship as a
couple. If you find yourself unable to cope, talk to someone
before the strain gets too much.

It's best to get advice on how to deal with problems while
they’re still small and easier to manage. Talk to your doctor,
find a support group, and get counseling or family mediation.
It’s better to face the problem head on than to avoid it entirely.

Keeping Your Cool With Your ADD Child

Above all, try your very best to stay calm when dealing
with an ADHD child. It’s easy to lose your cool when the child
is out of control.

Speak slowly and precisely. Show them that
even though you are frustrated, you are still able to stay in
control.

Try to talk to them about your feelings and how you
are trying to cope with your own frustration.

Often, children learn by watching. When you talk to them
and bring them into your mindset, you could very well be
teaching them the tools they need to control their own
frustration.

And by all means, give yourself a break when you need
one. It takes a lot of energy to live and work with kids who
have ADHD, so try to give yourself some space occasionally –
either by using a sitter or by relaxing your demands for a
particular time period – so that you can have some time off.


If you want to know more about parenting the ADD Child, get a free trial of the only parenting e-course on the internet by going to http://www.maximindpower.com/add/winner.html

Parenting Your ADD Child: Trusting Your Instincts and labelling.

With an ADD Child, you are surrounded by 'experts' that are telling you what is best for your child. Real experts , and those 'self-appointed know-it-all's' who are only too eager to pass on their 'pearls' of parenting wisdom.

Remember that you are the expert on your child. ADHD is
just one of those controversial subjects that everybody and his
brother has an opinion on. Tune out those that are uninformed.

Trusting your instincts and keeping open communication
with your child about how he’s doing and really being
observant is invaluable because you’re really a case manager.


Stay away from labeling. Remember that you have to
look at the whole child – he’s got his own temperament, his
own talents and interests. It’s easy to let the label overshadow
everything.

Parenting The ADD Child: Accepting Your Child For What He Is.

This is such a vitally important aspect that if you can do this successfully, half the battle is won. Accept your child for who he or she is. Accept their limitations. Whether you like
it or not, your child has limitations. An ADHD child is never going to be a model child.

So stop your head against a brick wall trying to make him one. Try to see the virtues in your child -and there are many- and help him make the most of them. By looking for the good in him, you help him to see the good in himself. And that is a gift that's priceless.

Parenting The ADD Child: Dealing With Their Excess Energy.

Kis with ADHD have excess energy....and lots of it! It’s a fact.

Because of this you need to provide your child with some type of outlet for all this excess energy.

Vigorous physical activity is vitally important. Any sporting activity, exercise or outdoor play is a great idea, and should be highly encouraged.

Get out there with your child and get active yourself. On weekends take walks together, go for a hike or swim, play ball games, put on some music and dance.

Get up and get moving....you will both benefit.

Parenting The ADD Child: Make Lists.

Make lists. Seriously – as many lists as you can. And
teach your child to do the same.

• These lists should include:
  tasks that need completed,
• dates to be remembered,
• and activities that need to be attended.
  
  Provide them with a reward for completing their tasks,
  checking things off their lists, and remembering important
  dates. Keep in mind that these kids tend to brush off anything
  and everything in favor of whatever is in front of them at the
  time. When they are able to complete tasks and remember
  important dates, they will eventually modify their behavior to
  make it commonplace.

This is an excerpt from "Coping With ADHD" which is part of The Calm Kids Program

Parenting The ADD Child: Maintaining Your Sanity

Make sure you keep everything in perspective. Well,
maybe not everything. That might be impossible, but you at
least have to have perspective when it comes to your child and his/her ADD/ADHD.


Dealing with an ADHD child is no joke. You may find yourself frustrated, enraged, and
embarrassed. However, you must remember at all times that
you are the adults and cannot afford to lose control.

If both parent and child were to lose their cool, the situation would
deteriorate rapidly. It helps to remember that ADHD children are victims of a
disorder and often cannot help the way they behave.

When your child seems to be pushing your buttons, do whatever it takes to regain control. Count to 10 (or 100 if need be), take deep, calming breaths etc.

And have an action plan in place to deal with your child's misbehavior when it occurs, whether it be time out, removal of privileges or whatever else you have decided on.

For more information and advice:
Parenting the ADD Child

Parenting The ADD Child: Consistency Wins The Battle

What's the most important rule when it comes to parenting the ADD / ADHD Child?

BE CONSISTENT.

As parents of a hard to manage child, it’s tempting to give in more often should. What the child was punished for yesterday is overlooked today because of sheer exhaustion. But this only makes bad behavior worse.

Try to react in the same manner over a period of time to the child’s
behavior whenever it occurs.
You need to be persistent when dealing with an ADHD child, as they are not exactly the most obedient kind.

Even if you feel that your efforts to discipline your child are in vain,
they need to stick to it. Things often get worse before they get better.

Respond in the same way whether it be at home, at
school, or anywhere else.

Parents of ADHD children often tend
to respond to the same behavior differently at home and in
public.

Your child will be quick to notice where he can get away with misbehavior and will take full advantage of that. The ADHD child needs to know that the rules and consequences expected to occur at home will also apply away from home.

Parenting The ADD Child:What About Punishment?

What about punishment? Where does that fit in with the discipline of an ADD/ADHD Child?

Dole out the positive comments before the negative ones.
Try not to make punishment the first step in suppressing undesirable behavior. Rather look for ways you can reward the child when he behaves well.

I'm personally not in favor of spanking and feel that there are other methods of discipline that work very well. The 1-2-3 method works very well.



Excellent for kids with ADD/ADHD and can be used with your other children as well.

Parenting The ADD Child: The Importance Of Immediate Feedback

Children have a naturally short attention span. It is for
this very reason that you should give immediate feedback
along with consequences for behavior and activities.

Feedback must be clear, specific, and occur as close to the time after the
behavior that it refers to.

This feedback should be given often. Parents need to tell
ADHD children how they are faring in whatever activity they
are involved in or how well they are conducting themselves at
very short intervals.

Feedback can be in the form of praise or compliments but
should specify exactly what the child has done to earn it.

It can also be in the form of physical affection like a hug, extra
privileges or occasionally a food treat.

ADHD children have reduced sensitivity to rewards and
other consequences.

Hence, larger and more important rewards are needed to motivate
them to perform, follow rules or behave well.
Make the consequences powerful and worth avoiding or earning.

Parenting The ADD Child: Using Token Economics

You can also try using token economics. This is a tool that is often used in schools to promote good behavior. Some parents feel that it is ridiculous to rewarding a child for behavior that they should be exhibiting anyway.

But the truth is that ADHD kids benefit from having some sort of positive reinforcement such as rewards. It gives them something tangible to hold onto and something to look forward to.

Keep in mind that ADHD children have a tough time controlling their own behavior. Their head might be telling them to “behave”, but their disorder prevents them from doing so.

Setting up a system to use in the classroom and at home for children to earn points they can exchange for other rewards or privileges – such as computer time or an activity – can
provide kids with great incentive to adjust behavior.

You should also involve the child by allowing him or her to develop a list of rewards to choose from. These should be activities that he enjoys, such as watching TV, spending time with friends, etc. Or they can be exchanged for a predetermined amount of cash or some other material reward.

This method worked so well for my kids, that when because of a very hectic schedule, I stopped using the token system, my kids begged to have it reinstated.

It's amazing how, through using tokens, kids regulate their own behavior. The G.O.L.D Standard is the method that I used and I highly recommend.

Parenting The ADD Child: The Daily Diary & Why Your ADD Child Has To Have One.

It's vital that home, school, doctor, etc. work together for the benefit of the ADD /ADHD child concerned.

Collaboration between home and school, especially, is essential. It’s important to have everybody on the same page. A teacher that is sympathetic to the plight of the child with attention deficit disorder and is prepared to help and support the child as well as provide special accommodations can mean the difference between success and failure. The parent and teacher need to work together to help the child succeed.

One especially effective way hat has worked very well for many families is to keep a daily diary that the child carries back and forth between home and school.

The parent writes in the diary the child’s behavior at home as well as any concerns she may have regarding the child's academic progress. And the teacher writes in the diary the child’s behavior and academic progress as well as any homework, assignments and tests.

In this way the school and the home can work together for the benefit of the child.